It may be a tough pill to swallow, but being successful and just living your best life will inevitably attract a few trolls. When you stand out, people tend to notice — and someone may dislike you just for being who you are. Dealing with the haters doesn’t have to be a struggle, though.
Many people would prefer it if others liked us rather than hated us, but we can’t make everybody happy. Remember that other’s feelings do not reflect on you, though. And there are options. Redirect your time and energy towards the relationships that uplift you. Deflate the hate by respectfully confronting the other person’s behavior toward you, or learn to cope internally — but the point is, there’s no reason to let it make you miserable. Let’s discuss.
Defeat Negativity From Haters With This Incredible Mindset.
You Are Not Responsible For Other’s Feelings
This was a pivotal and difficult lesson for me to learn. As many of us do, I grew up as a people pleaser and leaned into this behavior almost to a fault. However, I later learned that wanting to please everyone around me was not only exhausting, but it was unhealthy for me.
My perception of myself was often warped because I attached my feelings dearly to each and every piece of praise and criticism that came my way — especially the hurtful words that came from those who disliked me.
A therapist once gave me a piece of wisdom I found extremely helpful when coping with moments when I feel hated: You are not responsible for other’s feelings.
We are only responsible for our own actions, thoughts, and feelings, and our lives are hard enough — we don’t need to shoulder the feelings of others, too. If we try our best to act with integrity and be true to ourselves, we aren’t responsible for the reasons people hate us. Moreover, how others feel towards us is often more of a reflection of themselves than it is of who we are.
People also become resentful towards others for a lot of reasons, and sometimes those reasons aren’t always rational. For example, there could be something difficult going on their own lives that disposes them to lashing out towards others, so it’s a good idea to give both yourself and the other person a little bit of grace.
Confront the Mystery
Sometimes, our imaginations get the best of us. We can perceive an unanswered text message or a sidelong look as a purposeful, malicious act without knowing what the other person really meant. I know I’ve often gotten myself into ruts because I’ve imagined all kinds of stories behind other people’s small actions.
It was difficult to do, but when I open up a conversation about the way I feel and what I perceived, it felt so much better afterwards to just clear the air. With this in mind, when we feel hated due to someone else’s action, it’s a good time to stop and pause to ask ourselves, “Why do I feel like this other person hates me? What action or behavior did I observe that made me feel like they may feel negatively towards me?”
Once you’ve pinned down what exactly they did that bothered you, you can try and vanquish the mystery of their hatred by respectfully confronting the person about what they did and why.
You may be more likely to try out this strategy with someone you like, someone you already know well, or someone with whom you’d like to preserve a relationship. I try my best to approach these conversations with an open mind, understanding that I’m not sure what the outcome will be, and that’s okay. I remember that whatever this person’s feel is not a reflection of my self-worth. I bring up the specific behavior without attacking the other person.
The other person may not respond to my questions the way I want, but the way I see it, that’s okay. I’d rather know the reason behind their actions and be at peace than stay stressed out about the endless number of possibilities my mind conjures up.
Focus On The People Who Love You
Last but not least we may not always understand why others hate us, but there are plenty of people in our loves who love us. For me, focusing my time and energy on the relationships in my life that nourish me, instead of the ones that drain me and bring me down, has drastically helped my self-esteem, my mood, and my mental health.
When I’m faced with criticism, I try to remember the people in my life who have appreciated me just the way I am. Who are the people in your life who uplift you, and how can you strengthen those relationships?
When we’re at the top of our game, people notice, and most people want to uplift you and your success. But there will always be the few who will choose to turn hate instead, and that’s often not your fault. Hate is hard to stomach, and the stress it creates can in our lives can be bad for our health.
I hope the tips I offer will help you find ways to navigate feeling hated.